I wholeheartedly adore the work and writings done by one of my favorite authors, Brene Brown - to use a little play on words if you're familiar with her work on "Wholehearted" living.
In her book, "The Gifts of Imperfection", she highlights the importance of surrendering our need for control, our need for attaining the status of perfection, and ultimately surrendering the facades we've carried around as a survival tool to help control how other people perceive us. Why is this important you ask? Well, for most adult children of alcoholics, addicts, and dysfunctional families, perfectionism has been a survival tool, or survival coping strategy, to help protect against rejection and abandonment. It's quite the survival skill; it can be downright overwhelming to confront and change. But, like it's said in the rooms of many fellowship programs, when the pain gets great enough, and, it will at some point, carrying the weight of this burden called perfectionism, you'll find yourself motivated for change. This is why Brene's book is so powerful. It helps explain the "why" behind the "what" of perfectionism. It helps make sense of this characteristic that most children of dysfunctional families have had to fully embrace to survive emotionally. Like I always say, we give honor to these survival skills; however, as an adult, we get to make new, healthy decisions for ourselves. This includes letting go of patterns of behaving that no longer serve us. The good news, there really is a gift in the imperfection. It's a gift to be able to let things go, let people go, and simply focus on the present. On simplicity, on our own thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires.
Here's a quote from Brene's book, "The Gifts of Imperfection": "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do". Are you ready to begin the journey of owning your story and loving yourself? If so, I'd love to help you navigate your healing journey. And, in the meantime, go pick up the book "The Gifts of Imperfection". You'll be glad you did!