​This one statement brings SO much freedom & validation to my clients when we start unpacking the traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics, Addicts, & Dysfunctional family units.

See, this "inner critic" is typically the voice of a parent, step-parent, grandparent, or other caregiver present for your growing up, developmental years. If you pause & think about it right now, who is the person in your family of origin who was always passing judgment/criticism/shame to others? It might've sounded something like one, some, or all of these phrases:

- You never get it right. 
- You're stupid.
- I wish you were more like _______.
- I wish you were never born. 
- You're an embarrassment to me.
- What's wrong with you?
- I don't love you.
- I love you (but then the person is abusive verbally/emotionally/ physically/etc - so the message of I love you is completely overwritten)
- I knew you couldn't do it.
- You always mess up.
- You're such a baby.
- You're weak.
- You're _______ (insert any derogatory phrase or curse worse)
- No one will love you.
- If you only listened to my advice you'd have gotten it right. 

Or, the other way "inner critic" thoughts are "projected" onto us is if the parent or caregiver fails to provide us with love, tenderness, care, or healthy attention when we were hurting physically or emotionally or when we needed to talk & be open. 

Look at how you may be judging, criticizing, or shaming/blaming others in your life. Typically, we judge, shame, & criticize others to the degree we do it to ourselves. This can be a sobering thought. 

The good news? This can change! Hope & healing are possible! I'd love to hear from you if you're interested in confronting your inner critic & gaining internal peace & increased compassion for yourself. It's possible! Call or text me today to schedule your complimentary, consultation call: 561-501-1996. I provide 100% telehealth therapy in the states of Florida, Missouri, & South Carolina!

You're worth it & you CAN do it!! I'm cheering for you!
- Brittni 

 Facebook & Instagram: @inspiredhopecounseling

​This is a great question. The fact that you're asking it means you're curious about the impact of your growing up life on your present day life. It's okay to wonder if help, change, and hope are available. 

Awareness that something is off is a great thing. It means we are stepping out of a protective mechanism called denial. When we become aware of something we can then do something we the issue, concern, or problem at hand. 

If you resonate with some or all of the traits listed in the above image, I'd recommend picking up the book: Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. If you're interested in unpacking how your past family of origin dynamics are playing out in the present, I'd love to complete a complimentary consultation call with you. There is hope and healing is possible!

Call or text: 561-501-1996 or email: [email protected]

Let's start the journey today. I'm cheering for you!
- Brittni
ACOA & EMDR Therapist
Virtual/Telehealth therapy in Florida & Missouri
@inspiredhopecounseling

If you haven't yet picked up the ACA Big Red Book (Adult Child of an Alcoholic/Addict/Dysfunctional family), I'd HIGHLY recommend you doing so! It's filled with a weatlh of information that unpacks what the ACA or ACOA traits are and the solutions for overcoming and working through them. It's a powerful resource and I think every ACA individual should read it. With this in mind, here's an excerpt from pg. 22 from the ACA Big Red Book regarding how we "Internalize Our Parents":

"Family dysfunction is a disease that affects everyone in the family. Taking a drink is not necessary to be affected. This is an ACA axiom, and it serves as a basis for our First Step. The effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family force us to develop survival traits that are known as The Laundry List (Problem). Since the disease of family dysfunction is generational, these traits also represent the internalization of our parents' behavior. As much as we would like to deny it, we have become our parents...

We used denial to forget our pledge and the fact that we had internalized our parents. Denial is the glue that holds together a dysfunctional home. Family secrets, ignored feelings, and predictable chaos are part of a dysfunctional family system. The system allows abuse or other unhealthy behaviors to be tolerated at harmful levels. Through repetition, the abuse is considered normal by those in the family. Because the dysfunction seemed normal or tolerable, the adult child can deny that anything unpleasant happened in childhood. At the same time, there are many adult children who can recount the horrors of their dysfunctional upbringing in great detail. Yet, many do so without feeling or without connecting the deep sense of loss that each event brought. This is a denial of feelings identified in Trait 10 of the The Laundry List (Problem). 

These forms of denial allow the adult child to sanitize the family story when talking about the growing-up years. Denial can also lead us to believe that we have escaped our family dysfunction when we carried it into adulthood. Step One of the Twelve Steps states that we are "powerless over the effects" of growing up in a dysfunctional family. The Step calls us to admit that our behavior today is grounded in the events that occurred in childhood. Much of that behavior mirrors the actions and thoughts of the dysfunctional parents, grandparents, or caregivers. Once we come out of denial, we realize we have internalized our parents' behavior. We have internalized their perfectionism, control, dishonesty, self-righteousness, rage, pessimism, and judgmentalness..."

Did you resonate with some or all of this excerpt? Know that if you did, first of all, you're not alone. And, second of all, there is help available to overcome and work through the past! Overcoming denial is THE hardest part. So, if you're willing to admit this excerpt connects with you, congratulations!! It means you're stepping over denial into truth. This takes extreme courage, humility, and willingness. I remind my clients, if you have these qualities, that's all you need to begin this great healing journey that therapy offers. Are you ready to start the healing journey? Call or text: 561.501.1996 to schedule your complimentary fifteen-minute consultation call. I can't wait to speak with you! 2021 can be your best year yet! There is HOPE!

I'm cheering for you!
- Brittni
[email protected] 
Facebook & IG: @inspiredhopecounseling