Adult Children of Alcoholics, Addicts, & Dysfunctional Families

Trait #11: "We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem"

“Who could have his home burglarized and feel like he or she did something wrong? An adult child. Who could feel guilty about asking a cashier to correct a mistake when the cashier handed back incorrect change? An adult child. Before recovery, most adult children assume they are wrong whatever the situation might be. If a mistake is made on the job, the adult child takes repsonsibility for it. If someone feels upset, we think we might have done something to cause the feelings in another. On the flip side we can blame others and avoid taking responsibility for our errors or poor behavior. We can judge ourselves harshly and place blame on ourselves and others willingly when such blame is not necessary.

Because of our shaming childhoods, adult children doubt and blame themselves in a knee-jerk reaction that is predictable and consistent yet rarely observed until recovery is encountered. We react instead of thinking about options and then acting.

The guilty feelings we encounter when standing up for ourselves have their roots in not being allowed to ask for what we needed as children. Judging ourselves harshly comes from abusive and hypercritical parents. As children, we went without basic needs or praise. We were vulnerable children, but we were shamed when we expressed a legitimate need. "You are so selfish," our parents said. "Do you ever think of anyone else but yourself? Do you think I am made of money?"

As adults, we remember such interactions with our parents. We refeel the pain of being dismissed or shamed when speaking up for a want or need. As adults, many of us avoid asking for what we need to avoid old pain. Others manipulate to get what they think they want. They are unhappy a lot. Even when we get what we think we want, we realize it is not enough again."

- ACA Big Red Book, pgs.15

Do you relate to this trait? As a therapist specializing in Adult Children of Alcoholics, we will work together to discover the roots of maladaptive coping patterns, fears, insecurities, trauma, and shame. Help, hope, and healing are possible!
I'm a licensed clinician providing 100% telehealth in the states of Missouri, Florida, & South Carolina. I'd love to hear from you!

Text or call today to setup your 10-15 minute complimentary consultation call: 561-501-1996.

I'm cheering for you!
Brittni

​From the Daily Reader: Days of Healing. Days of Joy; Daily Meditations for Adult Children.
I appreciate that this reading so adequately explains what many of us grew up with - deep rooted FEAR. Not that this is good news per se; however, it does normalize and valildate our experiences. No wonder we've lived in fear for almost everything in our lives. We constantly grew up with a lack of safety, security, and certainty with anything. Fear was actually a survival mechanism employed to help us stay safe and two or three steps ahead of danger or any perceived threat. 

Does fear or loneliness seem to be second nature to you? Know that this does not have to be a life sentence. The work of therapy can be incredibly fruitful and freeing from the bonds of these survival skills. 

As a therapist specializing in Adult Children of Alcoholics, Addicts, & Dysfunctional families, we will work together to discover the roots of maladaptive coping patterns, trauma, fear, pain, and shame. Help, hope, and healing are possible! I'm a licensed clinician providing 100% telehealth in the states of Missouri, Florida, & South Carolina. I'd love to hear from you!

Text or call today to setup your 10-15 minute complimentary consultation call: 561-501-1996.

I'm cheering for you!
Brittni
[email protected]
IG: @inspiredhopecounseling

Adult Children of Alcoholics, Addicts, & Dysfunctional Families

Trait #8: "We became addicted to excitement"

"Either way, excitement or fear, adult children use both to mimic the feeling of being alive when in reality they are recreating a scene from their family of origin. Gossip, dramatic scenes, pending financial failure, or failing health are often the turmoil that adult children create in their lives to feel connected to reality. While such behavior is rarely stated as such, these behaviors are an "addiction" to excitement or fear.

Because we were raised in chaotic or controlling homes, our internal compass is oriented toward excitement, pain, and shame. This inner world can be described as an "inside drug store".  The shelves are stocked with bottles of excitement, toxic shame, self-hate, self-doubt, and stress...As odd as it sounds, we can seek out situations so we can experience a "hit" of one of these inner drugs. We can create chaos to feel excitement. Or, we procrastinate on the job to feel stress. Before ACA, we picked relationships that triggered our childhood unrest because it felt normal to be upset, persecuted, or shamed. During these moments, we thought we felt alive with excitement, but in reality, we were staying just ahead of our aching childhood. Our actions as adults represent our addiction to excitement and a variety of inner drugs created to survive childhood. Many of our repressed feelings have actually been changed into inner drugs that drive us to harm ourselves or others...Without ACA, we can view emotionally healthy people as boring or confusing."

- ACA Big Red Book, pgs.15-16

Do you relate to some of this? As a therapist specializing in Adult Children of Alcoholics, Addicts, & Dysfunctional families, we will work together to discover the roots of maladaptive coping patterns, trauma, and shame. Help, hope, and healing are possible! I'm a licensed clinician providing 100% telehealth in the states of Missouri, Florida, & South Carolina. I'd love to hear from you!

www.inspiredhope.life

Text or call today to setup your 10-15 minute complimentary consultation call: 561-501-1996.

I'm cheering for you!
Brittni
[email protected]